Lack Of Love And Its Pitfalls
“To be loved by others, you must first love yourself”. I bet you’ve heard this phrase at least a hundred times. It cannot be argued because it is one of those truths that it is impossible to contradict.
The problem with this adage is that while it clearly states the facts, it does not provide any clue as to how to fix them.
It is not so easy to say to yourself: “perfect, from this moment I will love myself”. Perhaps having a good relationship with yourself is something that is beyond your control.
You can see very clearly the effects of this lack of self-esteem in your life.
Especially on the couple level, where our most intimate conflicts arise. It is often here that we feel most vulnerable and disoriented.
Romantic fantasies
In the absence of self-esteem we tend to easily fall in love. Apparently Cupid shoots his arrow at any stranger who walks by.
Love at first sight, do you think when you feel your heart pounding hard at the sight of this stranger who monopolizes all your attention.
The enchantment that emanates from this unknown person portends something that is unknown to you.
This feeling can be very strong, and almost falsify reality. There may be a real attraction, but unless you take the step that separates fantasy from reality, it is all a pure illusion.
If this happens to you frequently, you have to settle it with yourself and not with Cupid.
Your attitude reveals a deficiency. This is so important that at some point you lose your sense of reality and you resign yourself to filling this void even with a lie.
These types of fantasies come at a pace where love stories that have failed are told.
‘Dog loves’, the very ones that leave bites and scars in the soul and sometimes on the body too.
Loves or supposed loves that bring much more bitterness to your life than moments of fullness.
Difficult loves
Conflict is the basis of the relationship in many couples. Hurting each other requires so much strength that most of the time it becomes a substitute for intimacy.
The attacks then become a means of expressing one’s most visceral emotions. It is also a way to release his emotions repressed on the other.
A certain dose of pleasure is felt, but this is immediately followed by immense pain.
This type of relationship is the most difficult to end precisely because it is built on emotional deprivation.
To end this bond would be like falling into the abyss of loneliness that this relationship fills. ‘The worst is to be alone’, you tell yourself deep inside yourself.
This is precisely the problem: the void, the deficiency. This place which remains forever empty, can be due to emotional deficiencies which were not satisfied during childhood.
This is why the emptiness, the lack, this ‘nothing’ is an intolerable feeling. You have to realize that these shortcomings from which you are trying to escape are the cause of all these clashes, these troubles, these scenes of cries and complaints.
When you meet a partner who is willing to share this little everyday tragedy, obviously you get into a relationship because you have the exact same problem.
This person is desperately looking for relationships that will allow him to fill his gaps instead of coming to terms with himself and his story.
The problem is, if you let yourself be seduced by those siren cries, you are giving up the possibility of meeting true love.
The love that gives you a sense of worth, the kind of relationship that gives you security instead of depriving you of it. This bond which is built on mutual acceptance, the desire for understanding and respect.
It is better to decide once and for all to come to terms with yourself and learn to recognize these traps that make our progress impossible.
Remember that life is the blink of an eye. It should not be wasted on fantasies or torments which in the end will only leave you longing for the unnecessary time you have invested in it.
