Learn To Chat
We grew up in a culture of discussion, of being irritated by everything and not accepting a difference of opinion. We chat almost every day for one reason or another. Early in the morning, we talk to the delivery man who parked at the entrance to our garage; at noon with our child because he is absorbed by his cell phone during lunch; in the afternoon maybe with this friend who forgot to call us, and in the evening, we end up talking with our spouse …
Now, does arguing help us? Is it good or bad to generate so much discussion? Is it possible to chat without arguing?
Talking brings us closer to others
The established popular idea is that arguing involves confrontation with another person, involving actions such as yelling, humiliating, fighting, disrespecting, or discrediting. If we look at the dictionary definition, discuss comes from the Latin discuss, “dispel, resolve”, and is defined as follows:
- Examine carefully and particularly a subject
- Contain and argue the reasons against someone’s opinion
So, discussing involves two or more people dealing with an issue in depth, listening to each other’s position and arguing opposing points of view in this regard. As we can see, the concept of discussion leaves no room for hostile confrontation, on the contrary. In its basic definition, discussing supposes a pooling of opinions, based on the confrontation of a subject, through the communication effort of the parties present.
Talking means accepting our differences
The question is whether discussing favors our relationships. In general, we avoid having confrontations with others. However, human relationships involve interaction, and this assumes that we accept that everyone has their own way of thinking and acting. This is often problematic because it is common to fall into the mistake of pretending that other people act or think the same way as us.
Expectations about the behavior of others and value judgments about what is right or wrong lead us to an unconstructive confrontation. Expecting others to act the way we would like or pretending them to change their point of view breeds disrespectful communication and hinders our relationships. Because instead of accepting who we have in front of us, we demand that they behave and conform to our beliefs. There is nothing bad about differences of opinion.
It should be noted that there are two key advantages to discussing, including the term in the way we defined it earlier. These advantages are:
- We avoid social isolation : discussing means establishing communication, and all communication involves establishing a relationship. We are social beings and therefore we need relationships with others to be emotionally healthy. We have the right to express our opinion and to be respected for it.
- Our points of view are enriched : a fluid discussion opens up new horizons. The contribution of different opinions, far from distancing us, puts us in the place of the other and offers a different vision. While this does not mean that people will change the way they think or act, it does facilitate agreements and agreements. Merely understanding the position of the other person, with all the emotions and attitudes that it entails, takes a lot of personal learning.
