You Won’t Forget It, But You Can Rebuild Your Life During This Time
One of the thoughts that causes the most pain in people who enter into a breakup process and leave a toxic relationship behind is the fear of never forgetting that person. The fear that arises when we feel that this person is still present when he is no longer there physically in their life. This fear has to do with uncertainty: not knowing if at some point this will change and fade completely.
In this process, significant emotional impacts also take place, when all the good memories come back suddenly. Sensations in which mingle nostalgia and anger towards these intermittent sparks emitted by this source of constant suffering.
Logically, these people end up wondering: how do the memories of someone with whom I have suffered so much and from whom I have to move away continue to seem so pleasant to me and cause me so much pain at the same time? Was it ultimately “THAT” person and am I doing right to let her escape despite all the harm she has caused in me?
And indeed, we continue to love these people. This is what hurts us the most when we distance ourselves from someone for our own good and to safeguard our self-esteem. How can I love someone who has hurt me so much? This is the question we ask ourselves over and over again.
You won’t forget it and you will even continue to love it
Yes it’s possible. We can continue to love someone who has not deserved us. We can remember this person with the same tenderness and sweetness that we remember. Some questions that our friends can ask us, such as “How do you not hate him / her after everything they did to you?” or how ? With all that you have suffered, are you not able to see him / her differently? ” ; these questions, therefore, logical to the head, are disconcerting to the heart.
Obviously we can continue to love a person who has hurt us. It is the logic of the heart. The passion and the pleasant emotions that we experienced continue and bring us beautiful memories. Memories that hurt us when we move away from them. Because our head is incapable of understanding this strange paradox.
But this paradox exists and is quite human. It is useless to frustrate ourselves by trying to convince our heart not to feel when it is its duty. The heart will feel beyond what our head can think of. Maybe you think that there are heads that limit the heart and for this they have built a thick iron fortress to dampen the beats until their echo is insignificant. But also know that any fortress, or wall, is defensive and takes us away from what we really feel.
Lucidity is our ally on this path
It costs a lot to come to terms with this reality, but it frees us from a good deal of unnecessary effort. Just because the heart is free does not mean that we cannot use our head since lucidity is what will help us to keep our self esteem intact. Not being able to forget someone who has been important in our life (even if they have hurt us) does not mean that that person is the right one for us.
“Refuse to suffer for love, find your place in solitude and do not allow the desire to love to be found above everything.”
-Walter Riso-
Remembering is human and natural, just like continuing to build your life. Moreover, doing it with this new learning experience will help us protect ourselves. Do whatever you want, sign up for the activities you always wanted to do and let yourself be carried away: paint, dance, compose songs, write, build, create, love your own… Love yourself!
Responsibility and self-esteem
Love yourself, take care of yourself, commit to your self-esteem. Explain what you have learned about yourself in this relationship. Blaming the other person for suffering will not help you. But, knowing what you have been able to tolerate “for love” or in that passion that has blinded you is going to help you take the part of the responsibility that you have.
“A man travels the world looking for what he needs and comes home to find it.”
-Georg Moore-
Think about it… And be honest with yourself. Ask yourself: What are the limits that I have crossed in the relationship with my self-esteem? ”. Respond calmly and on time. “What are the limits that I am no longer willing to cross in any relationship?” Build up with this experience and don’t hurry if you are not able to forget it. Think that you can’t forget who you loved, but that you can build new memories with new experiences that fuel the love you deserve.
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