The Primitive Wound: Latent Marks Of Childhood Which Survive In The Present
The primary or primary injury is an unresolved trauma. It illustrates and signals the vulnerability of attachment, the weakness of this essential bond between a child and his progenitors; it is betrayal in the face of unmet and neglected emotional needs. This pain, which started at an early age and went unresolved, is something that we have tried to numb in adulthood… but somehow continues to condition us.
One of the most common terms in the world of psychology and, more particularly, from the point of view of psychoanalysis, is the figure of injury as well as that of trauma. Freud explained to us that these psychic lesions go from the outside to the inside. They occur in our closest environment, especially in our childhood. Thus, and far from dissolving over time, this original wound survives, remains present and is introduced into our being, shaping itself on several levels, and begins to gravitate in all areas of our life …
If Sigmund Freud and his daughter Anna Freud first revealed to us the transcendence of early experiences in the development of our personality, in the 90s a landmark book was published on this subject. Primal wound or the primitive wound painted the portrait of a reality which went much further. In this work, we were told about the silent, invisible but permanent trauma experienced by adopted children.
Nancy Verrier, who wrote the book, pointed to key ideas about the broken link or those often unconscious wounds that humans are used to dragging behind in adulthood, due to an inhabited childhood. by voids.
What is the primary wound?
Human beings have needs that go far beyond just feeding themselves. When a baby is born, above all, he needs to feel protected, enveloped in affection and sheltered by tenderness. Love gives us meaning and nourishes us. It helps us to develop, to move safely in an empathetic environment, where we know we are important to someone.
Thus, when a psychologist or therapist receives his patient, he tries to create an atmosphere where empathy and closeness are always evident and palpable. We need these kinds of nutrients because if we don’t perceive, see or smell them, our brain responds almost instantly. Suspicion arises, as does fear and tension.
This is what a child feels when he does not receive a secure attachment. The primary wound remains imprinted when the progenitors are not accessible emotionally, psychologically and / or physically. Little by little, the mind of this baby, of this tiny child, is invaded by anxiety, hunger, emotional anguish, emptiness, loneliness, abandonment and neglect.
We can almost understand the primitive wound as an evolutionary sacrilege. This process of “hominization” that every human being goes through begins above all with a solid exchange of affection and constant closeness between mother and child. We cannot forget that a baby is born with a brain that is not yet developed. He needs this skin and this secure attachment to continue to grow and give shape to an exo-gestation that allows him to promote the continuity of his development.
If something fails in this process, if something happens in the first three years of our life, an invisible and deep divide arises. A wound that no one sees. The one that will handicap us ( probably ) in the future and in several areas of our existence. Let’s take a closer look.
The effects of the primary injury
There is a very interesting book that is considered the gold standard in the study of attachment. This is Handbook of attachment by psychologists Jude Cassidy and Philip R. Shaver. In the latter, they remind us that the end of the human being is self-realization. Our goal is to transcend, to move forward in complete safety to promote our personal and emotional growth, thus enjoying a full life, with ourselves and with others.
One of the most important conditions for this to happen is to have had a secure attachment during our first years of life. A mature, close and intuitive attachment to our needs. If this does not happen, the primary injury arises, with all its consequences:
- Insecurity and low self-esteem.
- Impulsivity, emotional mismanagement.
- Greater risk of suffering from various psychological disorders.
- Difficulty establishing strong emotional relationships.
- A “survival personality” develops. We try to demonstrate autonomy and security, but the void is always present. It is usual to go through times when one needs isolation and solitude. Sometimes there is also a great need for closeness, whatever it is, even if it ends up being harmful or false.
How to heal our original wound
The most appropriate is to seek the help of a professional. In recent years, therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) have gained greater significance. It is a technique through which different types of stimulation and information processing are combined so that people exteriorize traumatic experiences, childhood wounds. It is about talking about them, recognizing them and managing them better.
On the other hand, it is also worth enunciating these basic strategies which are often used to face and heal our primal wound. These would be the following:
- Become aware of our latent emotions and give them a name.
- Express our unmet needs (affection, support, closeness, empathy, etc.). We must legitimize them and not suppress them.
- Reflect on the loneliness we felt during our childhood. We will do it without the slightest fear, rage or shame. Some people avoid thinking about the emptiness they felt in their childhood, others prefer not to look at those years of suffering because they feel pain and discomfort. We have to exteriorize this hurt “me”, this part of ourselves that is still full of anger because it has not received enough affection and security.
- You must understand that you are not responsible for it. The victim is not guilty of anything.
- Free yourself from this sadness and your internal emotions.
- Engage with yourself for change. You have the opportunity to transform yourself, to empower yourself in order to achieve inner well-being.
Finally, experts in the management and coping of primary injury and trauma recommend that we forgive. Forgiving our progenitors does not exempt them from all guilt, but it allows us to free ourselves from their figures. In this way, we accept what has happened. We take responsibility for all that we have suffered while being able to grant forgiveness that allows us to end the pain. By doing this, we will move forward more easily. More slightly. Free from the pain, the rage and the memories of yesterday.
Let’s think about it. The theme of the primitive wound is undoubtedly arousing great interest and it is worth understanding this very complex psychological reality.
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