It’s When You Get “cold ” That People Realize Who You Were Before

Finally, without really knowing how, a day arrives when we become colder, more careful, and where we begin to remember what we call self-esteem.

But those around us do not hear this inner change, yet necessary, with the same ear. This is when the “magic” appears: others start to value the person you were before.

Who says people don’t change is wrong. Human beings do not change their behavior or their personality style from day to day with the snap of their fingers.

The process of change is something more intimate, paused, and even disembodied, but more than changing we grow.

It is something that we can only achieve by realizing our own limits and our black holes.

Even the most loving heart tires of being hurt and becomes colder, with more barriers and thorns. This is precisely when others start to value the person you were before.

In our complex journey through life, becoming cold is no more and no less than a defeat. It is a simple defense mechanism.

Existence does not only involve dealing with the complications of everyday life, it is also essential to be able to build our own survival processes in order to be the real protagonists of this adventure.

We suggest that you think about this with us.

The cold heart and the absence of little things

Jeffrey Kottler is one of the best known disclosers of the psychology of change. With books like “Alone with oneself”, he teaches us that after his 30 years of experience in the field of personal development, there is a very clear aspect that emerges: we change out of necessity and in order to survive. with better efficiency.

Now there is one detail that deserves our attention. We go, for example, a moment without seeing a person and when we find them, they have changed their attitude.

We ask ourselves, but “what happened?”. As Dr Kottler tells us, we don’t make big changes and we don’t have to experience big impact point facts in order to change. 

The rumor of everyday life, the small disappointments, the words said or not said, the absences, the continuous renouncements and the fact of giving everything without receiving anything in return are enough for us.

These are small clods of earth that, little by little, create authentic emotional deserts, generating change with a clear need: to start putting yourself first in order to survive.

Defend ourselves from the selfishness that lies in wait for us

The cold heart is the mind that is tired of waiting. It is our self-esteem that sets off the alarm and the self-esteem that comes out the emergency exit in search of a solution.

Being a little colder is the answer to life’s dissonances. It’s putting red lines so that self-esteem can emerge again.

Most likely, those closest to us perceive this change and wonder what is going on and why we are no longer those caring and manageable beings like before.

It is also possible that, far from having understood this change, they feel annoyed because they do not find the lock of our heart thanks to which, previously, they opened all our doors to satiate their selfishness.

This transformation allows us to deepen several aspects.

What the cold heart has learned

The slightly colder-hearted person – who is neither dead, sterile, nor extinct – has understood that things cannot always be the way they want them to be. We must accept them as they are and act accordingly.

• We also know that life is not fair and that people are not always loyal and respectful. Hence the fact of not focusing our existence on what they do or do not do with others.
  We are discovering that it will always be better to make room for what we feel, so that our self-esteem is not always sacrificed.

• Every disappointment experienced, every blackmail experienced and every accumulated void has made the twittering of negative thoughts often appear in our mind.
  After finding calm and seeing things from the perspective of a colder heart, we then understand that there are only two options: cling to this negativity or disinfect it. Let’s go for the second. 

Sometimes everything that disappears and dies in us suddenly brings us back to reality. A slightly colder and more careful heart looks at things with more moderation, to decide who stays and who goes with his life. Whether we believe it or not, there is nothing wrong with it.

Because to change is to grow and gain dignity. A natural process by which light ends up passing through our scars.