Echoism: I Prefer To Exist Without Being Too Noticed
Echoism is a term that has become popular in recent years. It was originally used in 2005 by Dean Davis, an American psychoanalyst. Echoism is a character trait of people that is characterized by the inability to accept compliments, express preferences in relationships, or ask for help.
Like any character trait, echoism persists regardless of those around you. Yet echoists are often drawn to narcissistic behavior. Precisely because they have someone who takes pleasure in occupying all the space. When narcissists become abusive, echoists sometimes blame themselves for the mistreatment they endure.
Echoism is a trait, not a disorder. But it is even better understood if it is conceptualized as a survival strategy. ” If I want to be safe and loved, I have to make sure I ask people as little as possible and give as much as possible ”.
Echoism: being in the shade
According to psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin, researcher and author of Rethinking Narcissism , the échoïsme is an extreme fear of narcissistic look a certain way. Unlike the attention-grabbing narcissist who wants to feel special, the echoist fears special attention, no matter how positive it is.
Malkin and his colleagues have found that echoists tend to agree with statements such as “ I’m afraid of becoming a burden ” or “ when people ask me my preferences, I often feel lost ”. While these traits may closely resemble ordinary people’s pleasant demeanor or even humility, Malkin says there is a big difference.
Echoism in its milder form can produce subservient traits, excessively inhibiting the expression of thoughts and desires. In its most extreme form, it can describe a way of life in which the individual gives up their own voice and can cause complete isolation from others.
The origin is in childhood
There is still a lot of research to be done on the causality of echoism. What is unanimous among professionals is that in echoism, the education received certainly plays a fundamental role.
Echoists seem to be born with more emotional sensitivity than most. When this temper is exposed to a parent who embarrasses or punishes them for having a certain need, it is likely that they will grow up with high echoism.
If the individual is the child of a narcissistic parent who imposes their will, it will be difficult for that child to hear or know their thoughts and desires. This same experience can result in a narcissist who assumes the parents’ desire to have produced a special child. The same behavior is repeated when the parent believes they are special or more important than others. It is not clear at this point if there is something innate that influences whether such a child can become narcissistic or echoing.
It is important to note, however, that not all children whose parents are narcissists become echoists, and not all echoists have an egoist to take care of them. “Echoism is a trait that exists to some extent in all of us,” says Malkin.
Echoists are not defined by passivity. They can be very active in finding and chasing what others need. They can be great listeners, but they are less comfortable opening up to others. Their fear of becoming a burden often blocks their ability to share.
Culture and gender
Men are less inclined to seek therapy for echoism ; one of the hypotheses considered to explain this would be the shame of feeling weak or not manly. In cultures where gender and status carry more weight in power relations, echoism and narcissism may be less visible and come across as “the natural order of things”.
Many women find it dangerous to ask for more in a relationship and to be assertive because an emotionally abusive father has made them lose their confidence in speaking. Here the biggest problem: adaptation to social situations and constant enjoyment of others are often seen as positive. Some of these people learn to survive by erasing their needs and feelings.
A cultural question
There are cultures where it is considered appropriate to suffer in silence or to ask for help is frowned upon. Echoism can also be a way to understand brainwashing. It can provide an explanation of world politics. Or situations where individuals commit malicious acts on behalf of a powerful person or organization.
How to deal with echoism?
The idea of keeping trends in check is complex because many processes that influence or operate here are ignored. Often it has become a way to settle in childhood.
Spending time with a therapist and analyzing what is going on helps identify the source of echoism. Part of what therapy offers, in this case, is the ability to explore these painful feelings and memories in a safe and supportive space. But also to possibly hear someone say that childhood trauma was not “normal”.
Finally, if the patient has difficulty speaking aloud, it is possible to incorporate elements into the therapy to help them feel more secure. Including items such as poetry or creative writing. It is useful to discuss this during an initial contact or evaluation with a therapist.
Our thoughts Narcissistic friends always have a good reason for being absent or late. Learn more about Narcissistic Friends here.
