Non Cohabiting Couples: Living Together, But Apart

The term Couples Non Cohabitants (LAT in English for Living Alone Together ) was used for the first time by a Dutch journalist in 1978. However, it was not until the year 2000 that American academics and journalists took ownership. this term to designate people who are engaged in an intimate relationship but who live separately. And this, even if they live together occasionally. For example, during the weekends, for holidays or even the bridges of public holidays, etc.)

Currently, we see that the models of interpersonal relationships but also of the family are changing. In fact, today we are seeing the emergence of types of relationships that do not always meet traditional standards. However, it is possible that this type of couple relationship has always existed. It was certainly little talked about in the past.

This whole series of changes, and in particular the case of CNC couples, is one of the central subjects on which the sociology of the family is looking. Some authors nevertheless consider that these couples follow a traditional model. However, for various reasons (difficult access to housing, limited labor market or degree of commitment), they did not meet the conditions necessary to live together.

Others, on the other hand, believe that this is a new model of couple. A notion of couple based on emotional, individual and intimate freedom. For these family specialists, being a CNC couple is a personal decision. These couples show commitment to each other even if they do not share a home. Conversely, in traditional couples, life together appears over time as a sign of the partners’ commitment.

Does the environment favor the emergence of non-cohabiting couples?

This is a question that specialists are asking. They seek to identify individual, demographic or cultural characteristics that would allow them to better understand this type of relationship.

Indeed, it is important to contextualize in a society that is going through so many changes. Among the transformations that affect the types of relationships, we can cite several. For example, fertility problems, difficulties in terms of stability of the labor market, as well as the increase in the level of education and the place given to gender equality.

Note also that other new models of couples are also emerging due to ideological changes. We can mention open relationships such as polyamory, libertinism, swinging, etc.

Nowadays, new technologies are also redefining our intimate relationships. Technology, for example, impacts the way in which couples’ relationships begin and challenges the very notion of estrangement. In this sense, it is clear that the concept of love and the couple has today more than ever a subjective character.

Why choose to be a Non Cohabiting Couple?

It is interesting to note that this type of couple exists across all age groups. However, it appears that the reasons for or not pursuing a CNC relationship differ by age group.

Among 18-24 year olds, we mainly find profiles of students still living with their parents. Thus, the reasons which push these young people to engage in this type of relationship are often external. These are the financial dependence on their parents, studies, a certain lack of independence.

When interviewed, they often indicate that they would live well with their partner if circumstances permitted. Thus, in this age group, the CNC is in a transitional phase before a greater commitment and a future cohabitation.

Non-Cohabiting Couples whose partners are over 30 years old appreciate the fact of sharing intimacy, while maintaining their own autonomy and independence. Therefore, the goal is not necessarily to evolve the relationship to a more traditional form. That is to say marriage or cohabitation.

In addition, the duration of these relationships is often longer than that of the previous age group. Non-Cohabiting Couples in their thirties therefore consider this type of relationship over the long term.

Can such a relationship last?

Few studies have looked at these relationships over time. However, we have data on how Non Cohabiting Couples see their future.

According to some research, between 20 and 30% of CNC couples say they want to continue this type of relationship for the long term. It actually seems that this wish is related to age. Indeed, the youngest, aged 25 to 29, are the most likely to end up living together and to marry. On the other hand, people over 60 say more predominantly that they want to maintain a separate relationship.

The length of the relationship also seems to have something to do with it. It is the Non Cohabiting Couples whose relationship duration varies between one and three years who most often say they want to get married. Beyond three years, the majority of CNCs say they prefer to continue this type of long-term relationship.

In addition, regardless of the age and duration of the relationship, social pressure also plays an important role in the choices of Non Cohabiting Couples in relation to their future. Indeed, partners who have chosen a CNC-type relationship are not always insensitive to comments from their families and friends. The questions and remarks of those close to them certainly lead Non Cohabiting Couples to reflect and sometimes to question themselves as to the direction they wish to give to their relationship in the future.

Couples Non Cohabitants: is this a solution?

In summary, CNC couples decide to maintain this type of relationship for two main reasons. Either by lack of resources, or by voluntary choice when autonomy appears to them to be an essential element of their life. It can also be a choice in response to certain problems or difficulties that may arise during cohabitation. For example, sharing household chores or looking after children from previous relationships.

Certainly one of the main advantages of this type of relationship is the preservation of independence and intimacy. For some, it is also about limiting potential losses. Whether they are economic, relational or even material. All this obviously depends on the attitude of each one. It also depends on the ideas people have about relationships and marriage.

However, Non Cohabiting Couples also experience difficulties which are specific to the type of relationship in which they are engaged. Among these disadvantages, one can in particular quote the feeling of dissatisfaction or insecurity. Indeed, it is possible that one of the partners of the couple resents the fact that the other does not want to live with him. In addition, this type of relationship can deprive partners of a deeper intimacy and emotional support that generally only living together can provide.

To conclude, everyone must find the type of relationship that suits them best in order to meet their own needs. It basically depends on personal values ​​and preferences. But it also depends on the reasons which lead to choose the modalities of this relationship.

Our thoughts

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