Learn To Deal With Your Feelings During A Painful Breakup

Without a doubt, ending a relationship, whether it’s a romance or a marriage, is a stressful event.  Each of the members of the couple suffers, because in a relationship, the investment is great, and not only in the emotional part, but also in the social and even economic part.

But there is one factor that marks the difference between the natural pain inherent in any breakup and the devastating suffering.

This factor has nothing to do with what the other did or stopped doing, but rather with the solid foundations of love, self-confidence, caring and compassion that one feels. for himself.

Faced with abandonment, comes self-abandonment

We believe that we are in love. Our hearts quicken in the presence of this person, we love their presence and the chemistry between you is amazing.

But, in the name of this love, little by little we start to put aside our own needs and desires, or on the contrary, we start to control the other to submit to our own wants and needs.

Although these are opposite behaviors, basically the motivation is the same: to make the other fill a lack of affection that we ourselves do not give. 

This “dance” of control or being controlled can last for some time and in some cases for years.

But one day the clean essence, that healthy, authentic part that we all have, struggles to come out. As a result, bitter resentment arises, and the relationship cools and deteriorates until the breakup becomes inevitable.

Exorcise demons

This intimate connection, established between two people, makes them, to some extent, vulnerable. And that’s why during a breakup, horrific “demons” are unleashed, such as insecurity, low self-esteem, addiction, desire for revenge, hatred and resentment.

Paradoxically, all this hell makes possible the confrontation and the exorcism of these “demons”, in order to be able to heal the wounds and to advance in his personal development. But, it all depends on how we deal with these “demons”.

• Ignore them: We can avoid confronting our pain and our unhealed wounds with many means: keeping busy all day so as not to think, eating, watching television, surfing the internet, making others feel guilty. , feel angry, take refuge in alcohol etc.

The Result The pain and the wounds are still there, they just fell asleep, ready to jump at the opportunity that presented itself. Of course, adopting this type of behavior is the guarantee of failure in a future relationship.

• Listen to them: While this is very painful and terrifying at first, it is important to feel our negative emotions and accept that they are present, with compassion and understanding towards yourself.

In this bubble of love and acceptance of our “dark side”, we help to enlighten ourselves, paradoxically, as we begin to listen and take care of our emotional wounds.

The result ? Being able to love yourself unconditionally allows you not to depend emotionally on others, and by learning this, our next relationship will have a greater chance of being balanced and happy. 

Instead of racking our brains looking for explanations for this breakup, we focus on listening and understanding our hearts.

Of course, this will allow us to do whatever is necessary to get out of suffering, such as adopting healthy behaviors such as gratitude, investing in activities for our well-being such as physical exercise, going to a psychotherapist or attending a meetings for personal development.

While the pain of the breakup will be present for a while, it will be the catalyst for our healing and personal growth, rather than the reason for this extreme, soul-eating pain.