How Can People Who Have Not Been Loved Love?
People who weren’t loved during the first few years of their lives often become suspicious and obsessed with love. They then develop excessive attachments and all of this makes their relationships very difficult.
Lack of affection leaves an indelible mark throughout human development. As a result, unloved people structure much of their way of being around this lack of love, which in itself is a form of abuse. It thus has a decisive influence on the perception of oneself and of reality.
The echo of the absence of love will determine a person’s entire life. Its effects are reflected in each stage of development. Indeed, a child without love will be smaller and thinner than other children. But he will also have poorer academic results, he will be more fearful, and will tend to react more aggressively. As a teenager, he will be more rebellious and more vulnerable to group influence. He will also be more likely to develop addictions.
People who have not been loved reach adulthood with great disadvantages. They find it hard to know who they are. For the same reason, they do not always manage to find their way and feel inhabited by nonconformity. Nothing satisfies them. They don’t find their place in the world. Obviously, the lack of love that they may have suffered also taints their love life, as well as friendships; it is clearly devastating.
Mistrust, the seal of people who have not been loved
People who have not been loved tend to be easily overcome by all kinds of fears. At the same time, one of the effects of love is precisely that of generating a feeling of security and stability. Therefore, the lack of love leads on the contrary, namely to the feeling of constantly living on the edge of a precipice.
This manifests itself in an essential mistrust. These people don’t trust each other, let alone trust others. In fact, they are wary of anything that involves love. It is very difficult for them to have spontaneous relationships with others; in fact, this generates great tension in these people.
This mistrust is often exacerbated when love appears on the horizon. If a bond becomes close or signs of intimacy appear, people who have not been loved enter a state of vigilance. This often leads them to flee, to withdraw or to develop an obsession.
Excessive idealization and obsession
One of the great effects of lack of love is that it leads to an excessive idealization of love. It happens unconsciously. Fantasies arise around the saving or restorative effects of love. We have the feeling that we can finally lead a fulfilling life if love is there. For the same reason, people who have been victims of lack of love develop disproportionate expectations of others and ask too much.
People who haven’t been loved go a little bit crazy when they find love in their adulthood. They don’t know exactly what to do. Obviously, it is impossible for them to just let go. They often develop a series of obsessions around their partner.
Most often, therefore, they end up being obsessed with love and the couple. They develop a disproportionate attachment to the other. It is as if they want the other to take care of them like a mother or a father. For this reason, these people are generally very demanding with their partner, but also suspicious; they tend to control everything, watch everything. Love then becomes a big problem.
Is a solution possible?
Unfortunately, people who have not been loved often make love a big mess. They do not see the presence of love as a factor that enriches their life, but rather as a reality that fills them with anxiety. This is why it is not uncommon for them to end up sabotaging their relationships because of their fears and their demands, but also their hermeticism and their mistrust. It only takes one bad experience for many to escape love forever.
There is no other way out of this painful situation than to restructure the emotional world. And this can hardly be done without the help of a professional. In these cases, it is necessary to return, mentally and emotionally, to the stages of life when the wounds were opened. To look at these wounds head-on. To clean them and heal them as well as possible.
Some of this void will always exist. However, after this adaptation process, it will be very easy to identify where it hurts, how it hurts and what to expect. The chances of forming a much healthier romantic relationship will then increase considerably. With a little work, the wound eventually heals.
Our thoughts A strong need for love is often the corollary of a lack of affection during childhood and can have important consequences.
