How To Turn A Child Into An Emotional Expert
We make hundreds of decisions every day. Many are taken automatically while others rely on reflection. While emotions do influence each of these decisions, intense emotions can sometimes cause us to act against our values or interests. To prevent this from happening, you have to be an emotional expert… And that is precisely what we have to instill in children. We have to educate them in emotions.
Emotions motivate us to act. They push us to take action. We begin to notice their effects during childhood, although few children – and adults – stop for a moment to think about them. This step is therefore conducive to establishing the basics and acquiring tools to improve emotional management.
Thus, the emotions will not rule the child. The latter, on the contrary, by practicing self-control, will put the energy that arises from his emotions at the service of behaviors in accordance with his values.
First stage
The first step is to know the basic emotions. This implies, in addition to knowing what these emotions are, to be aware of their functions. The basic emotions you need to know to be an emotional expert are: fear, anger, sadness, joy, curiosity, disgust, love and, for older children, shame.
Some of these emotions, such as anger, will cause children to kick, insult, or attack. On the other hand, other emotions like joy will increase the likelihood of seeing them more open, motivated and generous.
Second step
The second step towards becoming an emotional expert is to recognize the emotions. We need to be able to recognize our emotions and those of others. Without the previous step, this process is impossible.
We cannot recognize what we do not know. If we know the gestures, looks and behaviors that create basic emotions, we will be able to recognize them quickly. It is therefore essential that children learn to identify the emotions they are feeling. For example, we can help them be aware of their condition with phrases like “you find it hard to sit still because you are happy” or “you want to hit your brother because you are angry”.
Third step
The next step is to legitimize the emotions that children feel. In other words, we have to allow their emotions and monitor them. We can tell them “it’s okay to feel this way”, “I understand that you are in pain”, “we all feel frustrated when we don’t achieve what we want” instead of “don’t cry, we don’t. is not so serious ”or“ I do not understand that this scares you ”.
To educate them emotionally, we have to put ourselves in their shoes, with their circumstances. Being empathetic means accepting their emotions, also providing them with alternatives to channel them, beyond the tempting and impulsive behaviors induced by the emotion.
Fourth step
If we have come to this point, it means that we are ready to regulate the emotions. We cannot stop them but we can manage the behavior that results and the internal dialogue that they put in place. To manage behavior, you first need to differentiate between emotion and behavior.
Emotion is what we feel; behavior, what we do. Feeling angry does not justify hurting another. We must teach children that our conscience has a margin of decision between emotion and action. And it is precisely this margin that they will have to work.
Continuing with the example of rage or anger, we can teach them relaxation exercises or ways to correct themselves so as not to reproduce harmful behavior.
Fifth step
Thinking is a human mental act. To be an emotional expert, we must reflect on the emotions we feel and the sensations, thoughts and actions that flow from them. This constitutes the fifth step. Helping children take a break and think about what is happening to them will help them learn more about their emotions. They will thus be able to better regulate them.
Sixth step
As we continue on this path, we discover that sometimes emotions are not adaptive. For example, if we get a scholarship when our friend does not, expressing our joy will not be adaptive.
In this case, it takes empathy to detect the emotions of others. Even if our emotion is different, we must adapt our behavior to the situation. This is why we need to teach children more effective ways of dealing with emotions. Especially if they are nasty.
Seventh step
The last step is to make sense or explain what happened. As if we were telling a story. If a little girl has a nightmare and wakes up screaming and crying, tell her that she had a bad dream and was scared. It is essential to make children understand that nightmares have no reason to happen in reality.
Going through these seven steps to transform a child into an emotional expert is not a simple thing. It takes time, patience and empathy. However, it must be remembered that when we teach children to manage their emotions, we are helping to provide them with a better future. We provide them with resources to avoid confrontations and enjoy better emotional health. We educate them to be true emotional experts.
Our thoughts By virtue of some people’s reading of this concept, to be emotionally intelligent means to be in possession of a set of at …
