How Do Complaints Affect Our Brain?

A friend meets another friend. In five minutes, the first is found exhausted and speechless at all the complaints of his interlocutor.

He complains about his parents, his brother, his sister, unemployment, lack of spouse, poor health service, lack of conscience of his neighbors and arbitrary measures taken by the government.

There are situations in life which, without a doubt, deserve complaints. It is a natural reaction that releases the tensions accumulated because of an event.

Losing a loved one, being out of a job, divorce, or serious illness are painful experiences to complain about and can awaken empathy in others.

However, some people make complaints their bread of the day.

Moreover, they think that all the “good people” in the world are obliged to listen to these laments over and over again, because otherwise they are callous or selfish.

Contemporary complaints

Living today is not easy. We are constantly bombarded with painful and worrying news.

In addition, we have to put up with moody bosses or angry colleagues, not to mention the personal issues we face, such as losses, illnesses and a whole bag full of situations which at times are truly suffocating.

Faced with this panorama, in general, we have two options: analyze each situation and seek the most appropriate solution AND complain.

What is worrying about this second option is that it easily becomes a habit, which limits us in our life and generates negative attitudes in us and the people around us.

We might think that complaining is a kind of catharsis in the face of pressure and it is true that it can sometimes fulfill this function.

However, the complaint can become, without our realizing it, a habit that we repeat like a vicious cycle that, over time, will become the automatic response to difficulties.

Consequences on our brain 

According to research conducted by several scientists, the frequency and emotional intensity with which we complain will have more or less significant consequences on our brain.

This is because during this time of constant frustration and helplessness, the brain releases hormones like norepinephrine, cortisol, and adrenaline which end up interfering with the normal functioning of this organ.

Some scientists claim that being repeatedly exposed to the complaint deteriorates or eliminates the neural connections present in the hippocampus of our brain.

Because it is precisely the area responsible for finding solutions to the problems we are complaining about.

The insistence in the complaint is a way of conditioning us negatively, which generates a rejection of others and ends up deteriorating our family, couple or work relationships.

It is a condition of dependence and therefore of immaturity and passivity in the face of problems.

What to do ?

Things will hardly be exactly the way we want them to be so why get frustrated and make your life bitter for what will not change because it is out of our control?

Wouldn’t it be more reasonable to have a more flexible attitude and to accept a more adapted behavior, which allows us to have better choices in our life?

The energy we use to complain is the energy we need to overcome adversity.

Changing this type of behavior will always be an option. It is obvious that in certain situations, it is healthy to claim, it is a right that we must use because it is also part of our alternatives and strengthens our self-esteem.

To overcome this habit, which is as tiring as the complaint, it is important to first analyze the problems and assess the situation: what can we do, how and when?

We need to learn to interpret things differently, in less self-destructive and more positive ways.

We don’t pretend to change other people’s world, we just make an effort to improve our own.

To know

There are situations where the complaint becomes a conscious or unconscious strategy of manipulation. 

The transgressor feels guilt and one way to disguise this guilt is to awaken in the other feelings of compassion or solidarity, so as not to have to face the consequences of his actions with responsibility.

Complaining is a state of ill-being which tends to perpetuate itself, a condition which produces suffering but at the same time negative enjoyment.

This dubious satisfaction can be displaced with therapeutic help, which allows it to be transformed into a positive enjoyment, that is to say into an active desire, to overcome this state of passivity in the face of life.