Savior Or White Knight Syndrome

Savior or White Knight Syndrome defines the person who has an almost compulsive need to save, help, and solve the problems of others. The behavior of this type of profile is explained by a history of abandonment and trauma. It is for this reason that the person is able to show extreme empathy towards others, even if the help they offer is not always the most suitable.

We probably all know a born savior, someone who, instead of having a heart, seems to have a needs radar that allows him to be of service. However, as we know, this help can sometimes be intrusive. It can also hinder us or prevent us from taking responsibility for solving our problems on our own.

We also sometimes feel a great gratitude for this person and his sincere altruism. However, we do not always see what is behind these dynamics, this need. Savior syndrome affects part of the population. These people are often invisible and have a behavioral profile that conceals wounds,  knots that they have not been able to undo.

This syndrome was described in 2015 by psychologists and professors at the University of Berkeley, Mary C. Lamia and Marilyn J. Krieger. Let’s dig deeper into this topic.

Features of white knight syndrome

In fairy tales, the white knight is always the savior of a nice lady in danger. In real life, this figure of folklore can be a man or a woman, and  his greatest desire is to initiate emotional relationships with vulnerable or injured people. This bond allows him to be useful, to repair the other emotionally, to reaffirm himself and to reaffirm the couple.

However, injured people find it difficult to fix things. In fact, very often, they only widen the wound and become that mirror that magnifies the traumas and the suffering. They are frustrated saviors who bring inevitable doom with them. So here is what is behind White Knight Syndrome and what explains the behavior of people who suffer from it.

Causes that lead to white knight syndrome

A history of abuse, the figure of authoritarian parents or the lack of healthy and loving attachment  during childhood are common factors for Savior or White Knight syndrome. Having had several experiences of abandonment, whether in the family or in love, is another trigger.

Traits that define the white knight

• The fear of knowing emotional distance again, of being hurt, betrayed and abandoned.
• They are extremely vulnerable people  with a low tolerance for frustration. They feel offended and disappointed by often trivial actions.
• The White Knight exhibits low self-esteem and high insecurity.
• He lacks ecpathy. This means that he does not separate his emotional reality from that of the other and therefore suffers from multiple emotional contagions. He does not know how to set limits and identifies so much with the one who is in pain, is worried or afraid that in the end, he only succeeds in intensifying the pain of the other even more.
• The savior tends to build dependent emotional relationships. He wants to be this indispensable support, this daily strength and this other half without which the other cannot live. Such a thing ends up having a great emotional price for both people and leading them straight into dissatisfaction or unhappiness.

Types of white knights

The syndrome of the savior or the white knight does not present only one typology. We actually find a behavioral spectrum with figures that present more normal features and others that have more pathological extreme features. Here they are :

• The highly empathetic white knight. In this case, we are dealing with a person who establishes an inordinate emotional connection with his / her spouse or someone else. This empathy often turns into a source of extreme fear. It is therefore normal to see jealousy arise, a desire for control, an anxiety about the idea of ​​being betrayed …

• The idealistic savior. This typology refers to the figure that seeks people to save and to repair. She wants to create someone perfect, ideal. Being responsible for this improvement allows them to feel the glory.
• The frightened white knight. Of all the types of White Knights, this one is the most problematic. It hides serious traumas (abuse, mistreatment, etc.). In addition, he wants to help others but does not know how to do it, nor how to get closer to them or to offer his affection.
• Finally, we find the “balanced” white knight syndrome. He is this centered and respectful savior who responds to the needs of those around him. He supports people by respecting them and only seeks to do good. Despite everything, it remains a compulsive behavior and, therefore, poorly adjusted.

The white knight must save only one person: himself

Being a “balance” white knight does not free us from the real problem. We keep killing the dragons of others, we wield a sword and a shield to fight battles that are not our own. Helping those in need is a noble act. Reaching out to the people we love is positive. But no one deserves to be a savior.

There is only one way to resolve white knight syndrome: by saving ourselves, before others. We have to start the most difficult of journeys, the one that forces us to dive into our internal universe, to face our own demons to understand them, defeat them and bring light to our darkest corners.

Let us not hesitate either to carry out an act full of bravery: to ask for help from others,  and why not from a specialized professional.

Our thoughts

This inspiring story tells us about a very brave knight who ends up getting bored in fairy tales and decides to go out into the world …