Don’t Make A Person A Priority When For Them You Are Only An Option

We should only give importance to those people who value us, and not prioritize those for whom we are only an option.

If most of the time this is a difficult thing to do, it is usually because quite often we hope that selfishness turns into mutual recognition and interest.

However, when we adopt such a philosophy, in fact, we put the wishes of others before our well-being, we cover our faces so as not to see the obvious, and we do not listen to our emotional needs; in short, one is the prisoner of the selfishness of the other.

With such ideas, we ruin our present in order to fuel hopes for changes that never happen, often because of the memory of a past that no longer has a future.

Even fleetingly and intermittently, in all cases, we are able to realize that something is wrong in our relationships, that we all change, and that over time, we show ourselves in a light. less amiable and more interested.

Those who learn over time

A text attributed to different authors (among others Borges or Shakespeare ) reflects wonderfully all that we can learn during our life.

It is a good exercise to read it, to understand what it means, and to see what we can then change or what we can become aware of in order to improve our relationships.

Over time, I learned the subtle difference between taking someone’s hand and shackling a soul.

Over time, I learned that loving is not about leaning on someone, and it’s not because you’re around someone that you are safe.

Over time… I started to understand that kisses are not contracts, and that gifts are not promises.

Over time, I learned that being with someone because he or she gives us access to a bright future implies that sooner or later, we will want to find our past.

Over time… you realize that getting married just because “time is running out” is a clear warning alerting you that your marriage will end in failure.

Over time I realized that only those who are able to love you with your faults, without pretending to change you, can bring you all the happiness you desire.

Over time, you realize that if you are by this person’s side just so that you are not alone, you will hopelessly end up not wanting to see them again.

Over time, you realize that true friends are worth more than all the gold in the world.

Over time, I realized that true friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand, and that whoever does not fight for them sooner or later will find himself surrounded only by false friends.

Over time, I’ve learned that what you say when you are angry can continue to hurt those you have spoken to throughout their lives.

Over time, I learned to excuse everything, but forgiveness is reserved for great souls …

Over time, I realized that if you’ve hurt a friend badly, most likely the friendship between you will never be the same.

Over time, you find that no matter how happy you are with your friends, one day you will mourn those who let you go.

Over time, you realize that every experience you have with a person is unique.

Over time, you realize that whoever humiliates or despises a human being sooner or later will suffer four times more intensely from the same humiliations or the same contempt.

Over time, I have learned to build all my paths in the present, because the terrain of the future is too uncertain to be able to plan.

Over time, I understood that if we force things, in the end, all we will reap is that they will not occur in the framework that we would have hoped for.

Over time, you realize that the best is not the future, but the moment you are living in.

Over time, you will find that even if you are happy with those who are by your side, you will terribly miss those who yesterday were with you and who are gone today.

Over time, I learned that trying to forgive or beg for forgiveness, tell someone you love them, tell them you miss them, tell them you need them, tell them that you like being his friend… facing a grave… it doesn’t make sense…

But unfortunately… we only understand all this with time.

What is certain is that for certain things, time is our great teacher, because thanks to it, we take a distance from things, and we value our mistakes of the past, our expectations as well as our requirements in relation to them. to others, but also to ourselves.

However, this does not mean that time says everything nor that it heals all wounds.

It is up to us to negotiate the feelings of our internal dialogue, making clear allusion to our personal conflicts derived from the selfishness of others.

This means that we must take a stand and reaffirm ourselves without letting others take advantage of us for fear of rejection or confrontation.

This is called assertiveness  and is one of the basic building blocks of our self-esteem as well as our personal identity.

Learn to offer your absence to those who do not know how to appreciate your presence

We are probably aware of all this, but when the moment of truth arrives we are unable to cope with social pressure.

Indeed, it is quite normal that a profit situation robs us of our self-esteem and our will.

However, there is no point in worrying too much, since if you are assertive and present your opinions as well as your feelings, you can learn with effort and motivation.

Since it is impossible to recreate a life devoid of all risk, the ideal is to imagine these situations that would be potentially dangerous for us, and to ask ourselves how we can cope with them without necessarily fall into aggression or passivity (otherwise, we are training in our imagination).

This way, when a situation of inequality takes place and we notice that someone is trying to take advantage of us or overrule our will by their selfishness, we will feel less helpless, and we will be more able to lead. to what we imagined, in order to move from words to deeds.

We anticipate problems, and we become more aware that relationships must be based on reciprocity, and not on diminishing our identity and our self-esteem in favor of that of others.

It is important that we learn to say NO, to assert our presence and to seek in ourselves an ally to face these relations based on inequality and on the selfishness of people who think only of themselves.