“It Could Be Worse “: Does It Work?
Many of us have seen ourselves in this situation. We just lost our job, broke up, suffered a disappointment, and as we discuss one of these events with someone close, we hear this famous line: “don’t worry, it could be worse. . ” Is it really useful?
We tend to compare our situations with those of others. We use them as a reference. Sometimes knowing that someone is going through a little more complicated reality can give us some relief. It is as if our mind is desperately searching for a fact to cling to.
As curious as this type of resource may be, psychology has studied this phenomenon. We know this is a coping strategy that we use frequently. However, this “lifeline” has nuances and it is important to take them into account.
It could be worse, it could rain
We come home from work and the car breaks down. We get off, install the triangle, call for help and wait. We tell ourselves it could be even worse. It could rain. This is how we console ourselves.
Another example… We go to a medical appointment and the doctor informs us that we have diabetes. We are afraid and the doctor tells us that it could be worse, that there are much more serious diseases.
In these two examples, we are faced with two very different situations. In the first, we are relieved to think that the situation is not going to get complicated. On the other hand, in the second example, the situation is underestimated because compared to other more serious ones.
In the second situation, the strategy used amounts to invalidating someone’s particular reality, which generates a certain feeling of guilt in the person going through a bad patch. It is neither logical nor ethical to resort to this type of comment.
It could be worse, the sentence that invalidates the experiences
It is not always easy to know how to support, accompany and help others. When we are going through a difficult time, we usually don’t wait for those around us to end the problem or mourn the loss. We only wish and hope for understanding and closeness.
Yet there are many who resort to the famous phrase “it could be worse”. If someone has been in a car accident and their neck is only painful, telling them that things could have been worse can make them feel anxious and afraid to get behind the wheel.
Likewise, if someone has been fired from their job, it also doesn’t console them to think they might see themselves in more difficult circumstances. Such a comment invalidates his emotions and his reality by comparison with one that does not exist for him.
The danger of victimization
A study by Drs Shelley Taylor and Joan Wood of the University of Texas shows an interesting point about this. It’s not just other people who tend to resort to this phrase, we say it to ourselves.
However, resorting to this strategy of psychological adaptation in the face of difficulties does not always help. If what we are going through is serious, it results in a chronification of the role of victim.
To better understand, let’s take an example. Imagine a teenager who has been bullied. This young man consoles himself by thinking that things could have been worse. He has never been physically assaulted. He’s even relieved to think that no one has found out what was wrong with him. Neither his parents nor his teachers.
With this mechanism, it invalidates personal reality. He does not face his suffering because he underestimates it. And by underestimating her, he applies a defense mechanism to avoid trauma. With this mental strategy, we only chronicle the victimization, we do not solve it.
In short, under few circumstances the comment “it could be worse” is really helpful. We are not avoiding the present suffering.
Every concern and every personal situation deserves to be recognized and respected. If we do not understand that the situation that the other is going through is capable of generating real suffering and anguish in him, it will be very difficult for us to help him.
Our thoughts The principle of consistency tells us that we strive, almost all the time, to be consistent. But we don’t always succeed.
