Loneliness, One Of The Most Common Sources Of Anxiety
Loneliness and anxiety are recurring themes. And for good reason: they correspond to two of the great evils of our time. There are more and more people who feel lonely and who don’t like it but who don’t know how to avoid it either; for them it is a big problem but they do not find the adequate way to remedy it or to live with this loneliness without the weight it implies. In addition, the number of people who experience anxiety on a daily basis is also increasing. Very often, these two realities go hand in hand.
Very often it all starts with an indefinite fear of loneliness. It is not, in itself, the fear of being alone, but a feeling similar to that experienced at the time of abandonment. A sort of vague anxiety. If the fear grows and becomes too intense, one sees appearing what one calls “existential anguish”. We then have the constant feeling of being threatened or inhabited by emptiness.
Usually these conditions lead to insomnia, nights without being able to sleep. And this is a good place to feed the hundreds of scattered and disturbing thoughts that fly through our heads, where inertia leads them. Insomnia also leads us to a certain inhibition towards others. You bond with other people by being tense. And if the bond grows stronger, you easily become demanding and dependent. Back to the anxiety box …
What is behind the fear of loneliness
Sometimes the fear of loneliness is not so obvious. For example, when people fill their diaries thoroughly, with the goal of not having a single minute of free time. In truth, they don’t want one thing: to leave room for times when they would be alone, without the slightest pretext. These people are running away from themselves. So what is behind this fear of not having anyone by our side?
Often there is an unresolved conflict that stems from childhood. During these first years of life, we are very vulnerable and any experience of rejection or abandonment leaves great marks: open wounds that do not heal for lack of care. Perhaps because a loved one was not present. And because a deep fear has settled in this void. When we are alone, it is possible to find ourselves facing these painful and distressing sensations and the perception that we had of the world then remains very present today.
It is also possible, in reality, that fear is not about loneliness as such, but rather a facet of ourselves. There might be something we don’t want to see or recognize about ourselves. This is why we avoid these encounters with our most intimate part, those which can only take place in solitude.
We may also have had a very negative opinion of loneliness. We may not have experienced it for real and we avoid it because we don’t know the benefits of this condition. So, loneliness becomes worrying when we see ourselves as people unable to cope with life. We need someone else to support us.
How to avoid the barriers imposed by loneliness?
Anxiety created by the fear of being alone can be treated and alleviated. Sometimes it is just enough to reassess the situation and make some lifestyle adjustments. Other times it is necessary to consult a healthcare professional. Either way, it’s healthy to take a few steps:
- Review your habits. Like, for example, depending too much on your cell phone or the computer… These two things contribute to isolation and, consequently, to anxiety. There is nothing wrong – on the contrary – to disconnect for a few hours.
- Do not idealize the company of others. Without realizing it, you may have come to terms with the fact that the company of others completely changes your mood. See if, in fact, it still is.
- Think about the positive aspects of loneliness. Take a moment to think about the rewarding elements that loneliness can give you. What could you do on your own that would be interesting, fun, or enjoyable?
- Strengthen your circle of friends. You will see that by deepening a few links, you will be less afraid of being alone. Close relationships protect emotionally.
- Being alone does not mean being locked up. Try to go to the movies, to see a show, without any company. Don’t condemn yourself not to go out because you are alone.
One of the most negative aspects of this anxious loneliness is that it causes us to make inauthentic connections with others. We seek their company to reduce our discomfort, but not to cultivate real relationships. To be able to share true things with others, you must already learn to be alone. Tell yourself that, at least in part, the fear of loneliness is also a fear of life, because the only person who follows us everywhere is other than ourselves.
Our thoughts Thinking about loneliness often leads us to have negative thoughts that are influenced by irrational beliefs about “staying …
