We Haven’t Broken Your Heart, But Your Expectations
The vast majority of human beings will experience a romantic breakup at least once in their life. This situation, always difficult, seems to be complicated for some more than for others. When a person claims to be heartbroken, that is usually how they feel. Heartbreaking, crippling pain. And yet, the source of the evil is to be found on the side of his expectations.
We can make the mistake of thinking that these types of people have stronger and deeper feelings for their partner. Or you might think it’s a lack of emotional strength on their part. The reality is that the basis of their suffering is not unreasonable love or personal weakness; they are just expectations.
We didn’t break your heart
You have never been heartbroken. Literally speaking, it is obvious that this did not happen because it is physiologically impossible. But figuratively, that hasn’t happened either. Maybe at some point you felt like you gave your heart to someone and that person damaged it, broke it. But in reality, and although it’s hard to admit, this damage was caused by you.
Love does not tear, it does not destroy, even when it is finished. When you love someone in a genuine, pure, and healthy way, suffering is different because it is free from addictions and you don’t leave your happiness in the hands of the other person, you don’t wait for them. fills.
It is clear that we still have expectations and that these are, to some extent, necessary. We expect the respect, support and sincerity of our partners. However, mature love understands that each of us is responsible for our own well-being. And that responsibility includes knowing how to stay away from those who don’t treat us right. Without allowing the humiliation, betrayal or disappointment to continue in the relationship.
Although we often blame each other for these situations, we are the ones who hurt ourselves by staying in them. Love doesn’t hurt, it hurts the ego. It hurts to hang on, submit, let go, and neglect self-esteem in the name of partner love.
No one has ever been heartbroken for loving too much, for someone who truly knows how to love would never be so devastated by someone’s behavior or leaving as to claim such a thing. He would understand and accept that the other’s actions are not in his power, but his own. Thus, he would protect his integrity and calmly walk away from the situation. With pain, yes, but not with extreme pain.
You are not weak
If you are one of the many people who at some point in their lives felt like they had broken our hearts, don’t feel guilty. You are not weak for harboring this feeling. You are not weaker than the others, and your partner has not been of spectacular value. He wasn’t that big and you weren’t that small. Realize that it is only expectations that are responsible for the heart-wrenching anguish you may have felt.
When we establish a relationship, we begin to project a future with that person. We imagine plans, set goals and visualize common goals. We hope and are convinced that the life project we share will come true.
However, as we all know, life is changeable and out of control and things don’t always go as planned. If, at this time, we do not have good psychological flexibility, adequate adaptability and high self-esteem, the fall can be dizzying.
In general, those most likely to experience complicated or pathological grief after a break-up are overly rigid people who need certainty and control. Those who fear change.
Learn to manage your expectations
It is good to share illusions and plans with our partner, but we must not let our psychological and emotional stability depend on them. We need to be ready to deal with changes without breaking down, and in order to do this we need to conscientiously work on our self-esteem and flexibility.
If you have the feeling that your heart has been broken, verify the true origin of that feeling and understand that it is in your power to start loving in a healthier way. Start loving yourself unconditionally. Change can be frightening, but remember that when nothing is certain, anything is possible.
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