When Should You “make A Fresh Start” With Your Partner?
After having lived through several arguments with your partner and the logical disillusions that ensue, an eternal and difficult question arises: Is it worth it to continue this relationship or is it better to close the chapter? Suppose we decide to continue, is it so easy to “make a fresh start”? Can we succeed in finding everything as before?
To be able to find the answer, we have to take into account different factors. Among them, the state in which our relationship is, the intensity and assiduity of the arguments and of course to wonder if there is still a basis of mutual love and respect.
The first problem: how are we?
Most people think they know each other well. On the other hand, if they did, they would often choose not to suffer. However, they do not make this choice. Knowing yourself, besides being exciting, is a very difficult task.
What are we like when we are angry? Are we retracting or attacking? How do we react when we are hurt? Do we prefer to be hugged or left alone? All of these questions are trivial. If we do not know ourselves personally, it will be difficult for others to know us.
- “After an argument, I’d rather you leave me alone.” Otherwise, I can’t calm down. “
- “When I get home from work, I need to go to the gym to relieve all stress. “
- “My passion is basketball. Therefore, if I don’t see my favorite team’s game, I wake up in a bad mood the next day. “
If we stop doing all those things that make us happy, the relationship suffers. By not seeing ourselves satisfied, we are more irascible, and we certainly end up making pay the one we have the most nearby: us partners. By this simple analysis on ourselves, we can improve the relationship. When everyone has secured time for him / her and has come to know who they are and what they want, we can draw positive conclusions from past disputes.
When is the right time to ‘make a fresh start’ with your partner
Forgiving and moving forward in a relationship are different things. You can forgive and stop being in a relationship. But, when are we ready to “make a clean sweep”?
It is a mistake to think that “making a fresh start” means that everything will be a path of roses. It would be like thinking that a broken vase can stick together and magically regain the look it originally had. It is necessary to invest time and effort in order to be successful.
The opportune moment to put an idea into practice is the moment when the desire to change and move forward is stronger than the pain and suffering experienced until then. Therefore, if you are unwilling to give of yourself or the scales are tilting to the “not worth it” side, it is best to give up immediately.
Go ahead without looking back
You will only be able to introduce variations into your relationship if you jointly assume that you are jointly responsible for the problem. It is important to feel that you are moving in the same direction, and not individually.
- Abandon the reproaches, without throwing the blame on the other. Resentment, anger, resentment or repression make it worse. Recognizing future errors helps resolve present conflicts. Everyone must assume their share of responsibility in the conflict.
- Denying the problems and continuing with a false appearance of “everything is fine” compromises all of your work. You can change your behavior only if you are aware that it is inappropriate.
- Suggest solutions. Each brings their perspective and a solution to the problem. Proactivity and creativity work. Although your ideas are opposed, they certainly make it possible to find an adequate alternative or even the appearance of giggles in a situation which in principle is not at all fun.
- Emphasize the positive in the partner and not just the negative aspects. How far have you come together, what you’ve built, what’s to come… common illusions, fulfilled dreams. From now on, whatever will be shared will strengthen you even more.
But, the demands are not effective in these cases because they build barriers within the couple. You can’t say yes to everything. You always have to set limits and learn to say no. Positivity in this sense is as essential as the balance of the distribution of power within the couple.
If you want new results, do something different
However, some of the decisions we make carry with them the implicit message of ‘I don’t want’ or ‘I don’t want to’ make a fresh start ‘. The most common mistake is not to change anything within the couple. Being carried away by inertia and convenience are not good allies in this new adventure.
Feelings of revenge are also a very dangerous poison, especially for those who crave it. “I’m going to tell him the same thing, so they can see how I feel.” Warning ! To continue to make an impossible life for the other is neither love, nor tenderness, nor respect. It’s also not a good way to build empathy, if that’s what you want.
When only one of the two members of the couple wants to be reconciled, there is a problem. A couple is a team and it is important that they remain so in difficult times as well. The common challenge is that the couple continues to bring positive elements and it depends on the two members, it is not an individual task. Continue only by “inertia” or “for the sake of our children”. Just living under one roof is not synonymous with a happy family. Children do well only if the couple is doing well, and not vice versa.
If you stay with your partner out of fear of being alone or out of emotional dependence, you are condemning yourself. The joy is in you, in yourself, not in others; at least joy as a state, not fleeting joy. It is good to walk together, but not tied up. Internal tensions end up disgusting us and not allowing us to enjoy life as it should. Either way, the decision you make should bring you happiness and give you momentum to feel much better for a while.
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