You Don’t Have To Change But To Make Everything You Are Work In Your Favor

Change is a verb that we conjugate every day. We all carry a discomfort within us that we want to overcome, to some extent. Living is not easy, and since we were born we have been subject to deprivation and loss that will continue to occur until our hearts stop beating. There will always be something that we want more than anything but fail to have. There will always be a nostalgia to besiege us or a simmering frustration.

The discomfort with life in itself is not negative, because it is precisely from it that we find the motivations to evolve. But non-conformity becomes painful when it reaches disproportionate dimensions and becomes an obstacle. When it makes us feel guilty for not being “better” or to give up dreams because we feel like we are excluded from the world of success.

The discomfort that we sometimes feel turns against us. This is an error of perspective, since it is not a question of lambasting us. There are times when we feel guilty for not having achieved “x” successes or for not being in “x” ways.

”  Everyone thinks of changing the world, but nobody thinks of changing himself”

–Alexei Tolstoi–

In reality, it’s not about changing, being different, or denying who we are. It’s more  about taking an intelligent and understanding perspective with ourselves so that we can make the most of our talents and even our shortcomings.

What to change or not

We can change the way we act, but not the way we are. We came into the world with a temperament, a genetic heritage and socio-cultural conditions that will forever mark the way in which our being is built in the world.

Temperament and basic character can be perfected, improved, strengthened, but cannot be changed. However, a sort of “personality market” has emerged and insists on promoting the idea that there is ONE way to be adequate and ONE way to live “correct”.

This idea that there are ways to be adequate and others inadequate is what ends up turning into a handicap for people who want to accept themselves as they are. Being extroverted is no better than being introverted, being bold is no more commendable than being careful, and being rational is no more admirable than being sensitive. It is simply a matter of distinct ways of being, which may or may not be appropriate depending on specific circumstances.

Each person develops and flowers in a different way. The option of change is only valid in the face of habits, aspects of the personality that are not sufficiently cultivated or behaviors that can cause harm. The central core of our being must be preserved since it is what defines us.

Qualities that turn into flaws and vice versa

Someone who talks too much can cause problems in certain jobs that require confidentiality, such as that of a private investigator. Likewise, someone who is very reserved would not be effective as a promoter or facilitator. Therefore,  what is a quality in one area may be a terrible defect in another. Neither is good in itself: each is different. Neither should be changed but simply placed in an environment that suits them more.

On a personal level, we encounter a pattern of polarity or complementarity. This means that, in some respects, two people who are very similar to each other do not get along or go together. The best teams are made up of people who have completely different, not similar, personality traits. Nothing has to be changed to be able to belong to a group: you just have to learn to find your place in order to be able to play a role.

For example, someone who always has a lot of ideas will complement someone who has the ability to organize or put things into practice. An impulsive person can inspire and motivate another who is more calculating, and the latter, in turn, can set a realistic limit on the adventurous initiatives of the former.

Everyone has a duty to learn to see their own value. Don’t leave room for empty messages that try to make you abandon who you are. If a change is to occur, it will have to be done with respect to your essence. If anything needs to change, it’s probably the environment you’re in – it could be an environment that doesn’t allow you to be who you really are.